Keep reading for 21 things to know before losing your gay virginity. My name is Alexander Cheves, and I am known by friends in the kink and leather community as Beastly. I am a sex-positive writer and blogger. Like everything I write, the intent of this piece is to break down the stigmas surrounding the sex lives of gay men. Those who are sensitive to frank discussions about sex are invited to click elsewhere, but consider this: For all others, enjoy the slideshow. And feel free to leave your own suggestions of sex and dating topics in the comments.
Hungry for more? Photo by Jon Dean. This is a fact queer youth have to face: Men who have sex with men and transgender women are most at risk for HIV, and have high rates for other sexually transmitted infections too. It just means you need to be in a place in life where you can get routine STI testing — men who have sex with men should be tested for HIV and other STIs every months, minimum.
It can be very difficult for teenagers to gain access to STI testing and treatment. You may even need your parents to drive you to the doctor. This can create some tough scenarios for young queer people who may not feel safe coming out to their parents. Here is a resource to help you find STI testing centers.
8 Guys You Meet on Grindr (and Other Gay Apps)
Some MSM men who have sex with men are bisexual. Some are questioning and unsure what to call themselves. You always will be. But how do you feel about sex? Do you feel ready? Sex is emotional. I used sex as an outlet to vent my fears and frustrations with my parents, with no thought of what might happen if I caught an STI. The real possibility of having to explain to my religious family what I had been doing never crossed my mind.
I was lucky that I never had to face that scenario. Thanks to a culture that is and always will be hetero-oriented, queer people are often delayed. Many of us wait until we have safe space and medical resources to start having sex. Many of us wait until we leave our parents and have our own places to live — which affords us the privacy and freedom to start experimenting. Many of us wait until we find a community of others like us — potential sex partners included. The mechanics of sex may feel uncomfortable and painful.
It might not happen the first time. Foreplay is awesome. Making out, hand jobs, sucking, and even gentle kissing and massaging are a great way to start.
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Some people come out of the gate thinking they know exactly what they want sexually, but most of us are unsure. No one knows what they want in the beginning.
10 Red Flags That Gay Men Can’t Ignore on a First Date
You will be thrown a lot of terminology, especially if you look for sex with men on hookup apps like Grindr. Words like top, bottom, versatile, bare, raw, party, safe, poz, neg, cum, daddy, dom, sub, boy, otter, bear, pig. Some of these red flags are obvious. Some are funny. Others are ones you may not have heard before and should not ignore. The list is by no means exhaustive. Not every point here may apply to your situation and is not set in stone. Think of these as general guidelines as opposed rigid rules.
This point may seem particularly obvious but the truth is that many gay men fall into the trap of ignoring this red flag. A long term relationship for a gay man can be subjective at best. As a rule of thumb, 2 years or more is a good yardstick go by, give or take.
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- 10 Red Flags for Gay Men on a First Date;
What is important is this — the amount of time he has been out of his same sex relationship. If he was in a five year relationship and is now out on the market six months after the breakup, he is very likely not going to be emotionally available or emotionally capable of a real relationship again for some time. Yep, this is one that should seem obvious but is ignored more than folks might think. If you are out on a real date and you are noticing that the guy you are out with is continually checking out other dudes, flirting or both - it is probably a good indication that this guy is not for you.
There is an off chance that he is trying to impress you by demonstrating how he can attract other people but do you really want to deal with that? And here is another possibility. Instead of manning up and telling you that, he is flirting with other dudes.
They don’t want to be ‘just’ pen pals … but they also don’t want to meet
This point sucks and not something you want to hear but checking out other guys on a first date really is not a good sign for something long term. Perhaps another obvious warning sign but worth mentioning. The same goes that if after your official first date activity, like a coffee or a dinner, he wants to go to "the bars".. The reason being is that the first date should be about getting to know one another.
If he is already needing to go hang out at a bar on your first date, he likely is not ready to focus on you or a relationship. Some may disagree with this point.
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You decide. Obviously, this is a subjective warning sign however, there are tell-tale things that you should be looking for under this red flag. One of them is the amount of alcohol he is consuming and the speed in which he is doing it. If you notice that he is pounding back glass after glass of wine or some other drink and that he is encouraging you to do the same — run. Same holds true if he shows up at your first date stoned.
The 8 Guys You Meet on Grindr (and Other Gay Apps)
Run like hell. That however does not mean he is ready to start dating. As a general rule of thumb, people in recovery programs, like a step program AA, CMA, NA… are encouraged to stay away from the dating scene for 1-year. This is not a hard and fast rule but is generally encouraged.
The reasons are plentiful but the primary one is that the guy needs to be focusing on his recovery. If the guy you are with on the first date treats wait staff, box office attendants or others disrespectfully or rudely, he is showing his true colors. He is also demonstrating that he is a jerk and is likely unaware of how uncomfortable his behavior makes you feel.
If the guy you are out on a first date with is treating people like crap, how do you think he will treat you down the road? And what exactly does "acting straight mean" At its core, it's called internalized homophobia when a gay dude says this. If you are getting the vibe on your first date that the guy is looking to hook up or otherwise mess around, this may be a fairly good indication that he is really not interested in dating. This particular point is not to judge but instead, to act as a potential red flag for his agenda.
On your first date, it is only natural and human to talk about oneself a little.
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